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Today is my father’s birthday. I have the fondest memories of him playing Chopin on the baby grand piano and my sisters and I twirling around in our nightgowns while my mother watched with a smile on her face. I miss you Daddy.  

I find it hard to believe that this summer it will be twenty years since he left us to play piano in heaven.  I’m sure the angels are dancing but I miss him every day.  The cardinals were busy at the bird feeder all day and each one reminded me of him and made me smile.  Love never ends………

Darling Daughter

For most of you today is Valentine’s Day. For me today was mother’s day, twenty-seven years ago, when our little sweetheart was born. On her due date of course! Happiest of Birthdays to my darling daughter.   You are the light of my life and the best Valentine’s Day gift a mom could ever wish for…….

Having her birthday today also blunts the sadness of being alone.  I have loved, truly loved three men in my life.  One is separated from me by death, one by circumstance and one by mental illness. And the thought that I am done with love and romance and companionship is hard for me to imagine and so sad…..I still have so much love to give.

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Happy New Year and Feeling Happy

d4d65aa0b78bbd161fb72f2218b94919Not sure what has changed except that I have been feeling pretty good.  I received a FitBit from a friend around Christmas and I’ve been increasing my activity level as a direct result.  That activity may be part of why I’m feeling hopeful and rather buoyant. Maybe I’ve let some things go and maybe I’m just past caring about other things.  At any rate I’m not over-thinking and instead I’m going with the good tidings. 

Waiting and an Amusing Story

I’m waiting for more information about my nephew who is in the trauma unit after a fall on New Year’s Day.  Yesterday he underwent over 8 hours of surgery on his broken wrists.  My sister got to see him in recovery which I know is a blessing.  She ‘got’ to see him, which in and of itself is a miracle, when it is apparent that he is one very lucky young man.  Had he fallen a little differently he might be in a halo device and we would be praying for him to wiggle a toe.  Or he could have been DOA.  The enormity of his injuries are just sinking in to me and I’m sure to my sister. The waiting for her to call and reach out is difficult but not as difficult as her walking into his hospital room.  I’m sick just thinking about it.  

On a side note, I stopped by my church yesterday to drop off a prayer request and starting chatting with the church secretary who has been with our church for over 15 years.  Apparently in the weeks subsequent to my moving out and the Hex filing for divorce he made numerous calls to the pastor. When he was unavailable the Hex would harangue her with my misdeeds and wanted to know why the church wasn’t going to excommunicate me or or have me publicly shamed and stoned!  This was during the time he suddenly showed an interest in church and showed up every week for a brief time. Which ended abruptly when he discovered that public stoning and excommunication was not forthcoming.  He must have been really angry when he found out that the church office was all out of letter A’s.  She and I laughed over it but it is amazing to think that over 4 years later I’m still hearing of episodes of his vindictive anger that he dumped on people that barely knew me. 514_400x400_NoPeelThat he kept trying to find anyone that would give his story traction and finding none continued to spew hate and vitriol and anger.  So sad.  I don’t think he has moved on very much.

Shattered Quiet on New Year’s Day 2015

My nephew was in an accident early New Year’s Day while visiting friends in Nashville. Please pray for him, my sister and our family.

My sister is in Nashville and has seen her son and spoken with trauma doctors and nurses. By the grace of God, my nephew will be okay but he has a long road ahead. His guardian angel has been working overtime. At this point I can tell you this, he was not involved in a vehicle accident. His injuries are from some kind of a fall. We have much to be thankful for as this could have been much much worse.  I shudder to even think that he could have landed on his neck or head and we could be waiting to see if he would live or die and whether or not he would ever walk again.  As it is he has a skull fracture near the occipital orbit (eye) but vision is good and no brain swelling.

His hips were dislocated but are back in position although he does have a hip fracture. Both wrists are broken and he will have surgery tomorrow with an orthopedist and hand specialist. We will know more after that.  I don’t think the magnitude of the trauma has hit my nephew.  The hip fracture will mean no weight bearing for six months and well with two broken and reconstructed wrists he won’t be able to do much.  Then physical and occupational therapy and it will be over six months before he can even think about living independently again.  This will be a rough road for a 21 year old.  And  for my sister and her husband and the other kids.  

Although it hasn’t been confirmed I think it is likely that excessive alcohol was involved.  The accident occurred early on New Year’s Day and he either fell or jumped off of something.  The details are still murky at this point.

Please keep our family in your prayers. God is so good.

Another New Year

Good riddance to 2014.  Hello 2015!  What stands out from this year? Declaring bankruptcy in July certainly has consumed my energy, filled me with worry and made me question nearly every belief I have held about money, saving and being fiscally responsible.  Many of these beliefs I have held since I was a child.  Saving my allowance, spending carefully, getting my first job at 15 and learning a work ethic from my parents have all been called into question this year.  Why have I worked so hard, saved so much, spent so carefully when I end up with nothing?  Nothing but debt, no credit and the stigma of bankruptcy?  Which seems to be even worse than being divorced!  I’m a two time loser.  Of course one led to the other but that is besides the fact.  The fact is every penny I earn is now subject to a trustee and every penny I save is subject to garnishment. 

9deb4edbe755ce448db940de1a72353dYet, in the end, I am also so much richer this year.  My true friends have stayed true, my family has been magnificent, my work is rewarding, my dog is loyal and my life is good.  Damn good.  I am winning.